Words

Being a teacher is hard.

You are charged with creating a safe environment where children can learn and develop. I imagine it's like being a parent, but with a couple hundred kids that rotate out every year.

I was watching a video put out by a student group at my university that address being gay and being Mormon and how they coped with it. Watching that rushed me back to my student teaching, where as the teacher, you could see kids struggling with things that they did not want anyone else to know about. Sometimes it was problems at home, with their family, with money. Sometimes it was a moral issue. Sometimes it had to do with gender. I was never sure how to let them know that I knew they were struggling. I didn't want to embarrass them, because that would just result in them clamming up.

I tried so hard to make each student feel welcome. It worked with several. They would talk to me and weren't afraid to just drop hints to see how I would react. When I wouldn't react like they thought I might, they always seemed relieved and would trust me a bit more. It was like coaxing a stray dog to you. You have to do it gently, slowly. If you move to fast, you just scare them away.

Then it takes me back to camp, where young men would say things, or tell me things, and then look at me with heartbroken eyes, convinced that I would want nothing to do with them because of that burden they experienced or even still carried. I would always quickly reassure them that it did not matter to me and that I liked them for them and would still be their friend. I would always try to compare their experience to one of mine so that they felt like I understood them just a little bit.

Now, I am by no means perfect. I definitely have my prejudices, although I am working hard to overcome them. But I certainly hope that I never turn into that person who makes a person feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsafe just because we have a different life experience and perspective.

As a teacher, you learn quickly that a few words said in anger, in a moment when you lose control just for a second, has a way of cutting a student deeply and effecting them, even when they say it doesn't. I have watched it happen again and again. It happened to me when I was a sophomore. He did it in front of the entire class when I had just made an innocent mistake. Even though none of my classmates probably remember it or even the teacher, it kind of stuck with me through high school and made me afraid of that teacher. And for a while, I believed that I was a "moron" who couldn't do it right. It took me a few years to realize that he was in the wrong and that he shouldn't have said that no matter how frustrated he was.

I know this is a bit of a random topic, but we never really know just how what we say to someone will be taken. I wish people would just think a bit more before they spoke. I know that I could do better with that. Again, I most certainly could not judge anyone on this topic except myself. I think that if we all tried a little harder to do that, the world would become a bit of a better place.

And of course, I would hate for you to think that I am depressed or anything like that. Nope, just waxing a bit philosophical tonight. Speaking of waxing, did you know that Emperor Nero of Ancient Rome use to make Christians into candles? There is your random historical fact for tonight. Take it, go forth, and change the world.