Humbled

Wow.

This last month has been crazy.

Camp ended August 11th. My wittle brover got married the week after that. I started substitute teaching the week after that, which I did not want to do. Substitute teaching had been a difficult job for me and I was convinced that I was done with it. So I frantically started searching for another job.

Well, I got one.

I was excited. It was something new, different, it was at a law firm and I was so excited because I had always wanted to work at a law firm.

And I ended up hating it.

By the end of the first week I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. It was horrible. The job involved calling people and getting very personal information and then informing the "client" if we could help them or not. Most these people had absolutely nothing. I felt like a crook.

And so the Tuesday after I started working, I quit.

Substitute teaching had never looked so good. I leaped back into subbing and I was so happy to be back doing something that I knew how to do and something that I enjoyed. It just took one week at this other job to help me remember why I am a teacher and that I do love it.

But I was confused, because I had received the distinct impression that I was supposed to go work at the law firm. But once I started working, I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. When I started subbing again, I felt like it was temporary. And so I continued to look for more permanent jobs. Three weeks ago, I applied for a handful of teaching positions hoping I would at least get an interview. Nada.

And I felt troubled. Angry. Upset. Disappointed. Like a failure.

I really was loving subbing, but I felt like I wasn't living up to my full potential. And so I prayed, read my scriptures, read conference talks, and was reminded again and again and again that the Lord has His own timetable and that trusting in Him is the best thing to do. I had to have faith in that. So my prayers began to change. Rather than praying to find a job or some satisfaction in life, instead it went to "please help me to have more faith in Thee" and "help me to remember to be patient." It was hard, but I resolved to do better and to trust in Heavenly Father.

This last Thursday, I was sitting at the computer looking for subbing jobs and my phone rang (ok vibrated). It was an unknown number and so I wasn't going to answer it. But then I thought, I need to and so I did. It was the director of the special ed department at a local school asking if I was interested in a job as an aide. I wasn't really interested at first, because aides usually don't get paid very well (bottom of the totem pole if you know what I mean) and then she mentioned the pay. Now, at the risk of sounding greedy, it was an amazing pay offer. Much higher than any job I have ever had before. Once I realized that this was a job that could help me meet all my financial needs, I realized that this might be a really great opportunity.

I went the next day to an interview. Five minutes later, I had the job. And I really enjoyed it.

My new boss had discovered me when she was looking through teaching applications people had sent to the school. One of them was mine.

As I drove home from work yesterday, satisfied with the days work and really looking forward to the school year now, it hit me how everything that had happened in the last month to have all this happen. And the hindsight was amazing. It was like watching puzzle pieces fall into place, each leading me to where this job was. If I had never gotten hired at the law firm, I would not have realized how much I loved teaching and that I still wanted to do that. If I had never quit the law firm, I never would have sent my application to this school and I never would have had the job offered to me.

The lesson I learned is that even when it feels like there is nothing there, I can't afford to forget that there is someone with a higher perspective, someone who can see exactly what our lives can become. It reminded me of a favorite quote from a movie:

"I don't believe in God."
"It doesn't matter. He believes in you."

I love it because it's not that I stop believing in God, but sometimes I feel like I've been forgotten or that I'm not important enough. But He always knows where I am and what I need. This whole experience showed me that He cares and that He will never forget me.

And that is always nice to know.